Beyond Famous (Famous #3) Page 13

  We made love for hours, with our hands, our mouths, our bodies. We worshiped each other again and again, never wanting to let the other go, needing the constant contact as some sort of shield to the coming goodbye... and the aching loneliness that loomed like a tsunami over us.

  When finally we lay spent, gasping for breath in each other's arms, I turned my face into his neck and gave in to the sobs I'd been holding back. His gentle hands brushed my hair back as he hovered above me.

  "Brook. Look at me." My shoulders were shaking softly and I knew I didn't have the strength to look up and see the anguish on his face. I could tell from the thickness in his voice that he was succumbing to the overwhelming emotions as well.

  My arms wound around him and I pressed into him even tighter and I felt his lips on my face, tracing my cheeks and my tear-dampened eyes, until finally moving to my mouth to brush back and forth over it.

  "Brook... babe, we'll get through this because we have to. You know how much I adore you. You're all I think about."

  I nodded and tried to control my voice enough to speak. "I know. It's the same for me."

  He rolled to my side but continued to look into my face, lying on his side facing me, touching my hair, trying to soothe me and kiss the tears away. I finally brought my eyes up to his. He was so gorgeous, his face soft and sated from our lovemaking, but full of pain and love. We just lay there looking at each, other and I wondered what time it was, how many hours and minutes I had left with him.

  He must have read my mind because he shook his head. "I don't want to know. I don't want the sun to rise, Brook."

  My eyes closed. "How do you do that? How do you know me so well?"

  He smiled softly. "Hmmph. You're part of me." His thumb rubbed across my lower lip and pulled it down before he leaned in to kiss me softly on the mouth. "And, I love you more than anything on this earth."

  Another tear slipped from my eyes, and he bent to kiss it away. "These songs, Brook... they're all of our songs...”

  I closed my eyes and nodded. "I know."

  "I mean, the song you sang in London, the one I sang at the wrap party... everything, even some that we only talked about." His eyes held an incredulous look like he was amazed that I'd remember them.

  "Yes." My throat ached, and I couldn't say much, so I just reached out to trace his jaw with my fingers and nodded softly.

  "You're so beautiful. You touch me in places that no one ever will again. You're so perfect for me, do you know that?"

  I couldn't help but laugh a little through my tears. "So, you keep saying."

  "And will continue to do so until you believe it." He kissed my nose and my forehead and I snuggled into him, content just to hold him, smell him and feel him wrapped all around me.

  SOMETHING WAS SHINING in my face and I wanted it to go away. I threw my arm over my eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

  Sleep.

  My heart constricted in my chest as I realized where I was and that I didn't want to be sleeping. I sat straight up in bed, my chest heaving with my frantic breathing as my eyes searched the empty bed and room around me. My eyes stung, my throat hurt... "Cade?" I started to cry. "Cade!" I yelled.

  He rushed out of the bathroom and I saw that he was already dressed in gray pants and a black T-Shirt. He took one look at me with the tears running down my face and sat on the edge of the bed so he could pull me into his lap.

  "I'm so sorry...” I sobbed against his chest. "I didn't mean to fall asleep, to... to waste our time together."

  "Love, it's okay. I was tired too."

  "But did you sleep?" I looked up into his face as his thumbs brushed away my tears.

  "Um, no, honey, but it's okay." I shook my head as my face crumpled.

  "No! I'm so pissed at myself," I said in disgust and as usual, he tried to comfort me.

  "Babe, don't be. It allowed me to watch you sleep, Brook."

  "So what? Are you Ryan now?"

  He only smiled sadly. "Only where you're concerned, Julia."

  I slid my arms around his neck and cried into him. "Oh God... I can't do this. I thought I could, but I just can't, Cade."

  His arms tightened around me, and he buried his face into the side of my neck and shoulder, one hand coming up to cradle the back of my head. He was breathing heavier, but he was silent, just holding me in his arms like he'd never let me go.

  My phone vibrated and I knew it would be my mother. She was going to help get Cade to the airport without anyone knowing. Well, at least that was the plan. The whole world was watching the airports, knowing he'd be traveling today. It had gotten so damn insane.

  I pulled back so I could look into Cade's face. His eyes were liquid with unshed tears and I knew he was hurting as much as I was. I leaned my forehead against his cheek as I sat in his lap and inhaled his scent with my shaky breaths, trying to get control of the crying.

  "What time is it?" I asked, not wanting the answer.

  He waited and swallowed. "Just after eleven."

  I sucked in my breath. It was worse than I thought. I grabbed on to him tighter as a new flood of tears ran through me. "Oh, God."

  He just held me and let me cry.

  I knew he had to leave by twelve or he'd miss his plane. I glanced around the room and noticed his bags were already packed. His guitar was in its case waiting as well.

  "I thought you were going to play me another song." I sniffed back the tears and tried to smile at him, but I knew it was a pathetic effort at best. I can't hide from him. He knows everything.

  He sighed. "Is that what you want?" he asked quietly.

  "I don't know what I want right now... except that I don't want you to go."

  Again, his arms pulled me close and he nodded against my shoulder. I knew he was crying with me this time. I was so damn selfish. I should be making this easier for him, helping him to do what he had to do, and instead here I was this quivering mass of tears. He deserved better from me.

  "I'm sorry. I’m not being fair, Cade. I know you have to go, and I'll be fah... fine." I pushed off of his lap and moved to my open bag to gather out the clothes I had brought.

  "Well, I bloody won't be," he said miserably.

  I pulled on some panties and a bra, knowing that Cade was watching as I did so. After I had donned the jeans and the T-Shirt, I went to the bathroom to study my reflection. My eyes and mouth were swollen, and my hair was a wild mess.

  I was a mess. I ran my hands through my hair and under my eyes to remove the ruined makeup. Ruined by lovemaking and tears.

  When I came back to the bedroom, Cade was sitting on the bed next to his open guitar case, and holding the instrument on his lap.

  "I'm the one who will be the mess. The minute I leave, you'll turn into a tough futuristic babe, yeah?" he tried to tease me, but the tears in his eyes kept it from having the effect he wanted.

  "Hmmph! Hardly," I said as I sat down next to him and ran my hand down his arm. His expression reflected that he realized my weakness where he was concerned.

  I wish I felt tough.

  He started to pluck at the guitar softly. A soft haunting melody and I knew this song would be sad, full of the loss he talked about last night. When he began, the lyrics made my heart stop.

  “Is this from the same band as the one last night?” I asked.

  “Yes, it’s called Shattered. Yesterday I died, tomorrow's bleeding….”

  I looked down in my lap and struggled with my emotions as I listened to his vibrant voice sing the words that echoed how I felt. I bit my trembling lip then tears fell from my traitorous eyes. He knew how this was affecting us both, so I brought my eyes back up to his. I wanted to see his beautiful face for every second left to me. I didn't need to hide my feelings from him... I couldn't, even if I wanted to.

  The music slowed as a tear fell from his eye and he lifted his hand to brush it quickly away before continuing, the music increasing in speed and volume. His voice became stronger as he sang and he never took
his eyes from mine. I had to put a hand to my mouth to keep from sobbing aloud. I didn't know how he did it... singing with tears on his face. He was so much stronger than me... even if he thought I was the strong one.

  The last few notes died out and as he put the guitar back in the case, I knelt in front of him and wound my arms around his body, my head buried in his chest as we clung together, his hand stroking my hair. I felt his lips pressed to the top of my head as he breathed me in.

  "I love you. Always," he said against my forehead.

  "I know. I love you, too." After a few minutes, I moved out of his arms and sat next to him on the bed. I needed to talk to him.

  "You know all the songs on the iPod?"

  "Yeah, I noticed that it was a new one. Did you lose your old one?"

  I smiled and shook my head. "No. It's new." I reached out and took his hand. "I sent Nathan a list of the songs I wanted to load on it, and had him set up a new account, and buy two new iPods."

  His brow dropped and he shook his head in question. "Two?"

  "Uh huh. One for me, and one for you. I put it in your duffle yesterday when you were out of the room. The account is set up using my email address, but you'll have access to it as well."

  His eyes searched my face as comprehension appeared on his features. "Music is a way we've always connected...”

  I nodded. "I just thought that we could download songs for each other on the days we can't talk... or maybe, every day. I can load them in the evening, so you'll see them when you wake up, and you could do the same for me in the mornings. That way...” I fiddled with my fingers in my lap, but he reached over to take my hand and raise it to his mouth, "we can add to our playlist together. And will you add the song you sang last night and this morning?"

  He sighed. "Brook. It's... brilliant! Perfect. Thank you for thinking of it, my love."

  My phone went off again and this time I had to answer it. He didn't want to let go of my hand, and my fingers fell from his as I crossed the room to get it.

  "Yeah?"

  "Hi, honey. Is Cade about ready to go? I’m waiting down by your car. We need to go soon Brook, or Cade will miss his flight."

  Tears filled my eyes again and my voice trembled. "Um... yeah. We'll be down shortly, Mom. Thanks for being here."

  "Are you two okay?" she asked hesitantly.

  "Um, no... .but, as good as can be expected."

  "Okay, honey. See you in a minute."

  I turned around to find Cade right behind me and he gathered me close, lifting me up and holding me tight. I rested my forehead on my shoulder and fought back the sobs.

  "Would it be easier for you if I go down alone, then you can come after I've gone?"

  I shook my head as the sobs finally broke from my chest. "Don't be crazy, Cade. I'm spending every minute I can with you."

  He kissed me long and hard before setting me on the floor and gathering up his things and I shoved my feet into my sneakers. He picked up his guitar and offered to take my bag for me with his over his other shoulder. He threw his head back and took a deep breath to steady himself before reaching for my hand, and we left the room without talking all the way down to the parking lot.

  My mother and Denise's assistant, Zoey, were waiting to rush us behind the open door and tinted windows of my mom's Suburban.

  Zoey started talking. "Are we ready to do this? Cade, I'll go to the airport with you and make sure security is on hand when we arrive."

  Cade nodded and turned his back on her to hold me close. We clung to each other for five minutes without talking, both of us tearing up behind our sunglasses. My hands splayed out on his back and he bent his head to mine.

  "I love you so much...” he whispered against my hair.

  My arms tightened and I nodded. "Yeah. Me, too." I knew that if I didn't make a break for it, I would lose it and there were probably paparazzi lurking somewhere, trying to get pictures of everything. "Cade, I gotta get to my car. Will you call me tonight?"

  His fingers brushed my chin and he lifted my face so he could give me a small, gentle kiss. "Every night, love." I nodded as my fingers closed around his for the last time and I brought his hand to my mouth one last time before I made a dash to my car.

  Once I got inside, I flung my arms around the steering wheel and struggled not to let the sobs that threatened overtake me while I waited for my mom to join me. I tried to concentrate on breathing in and out, in and out.

  It seemed to take hours, and the tears slipped silently from my eyes as my chest burned me alive. I felt like my fucking heart was ripped out of my body. I heard a knocking on the window and I pulled my head up to see Cade trying to get my attention.

  He motioned for me to roll down the window so that he could talk to me.

  "Are you okay?" His face held a worried expression and I knew he couldn't say all he wanted. I found it hard to speak, so I just wiped at my eyes and nodded. "I'll call you when I get to New York." Again I could only nod. "Love you." He mouthed at me, and then extended his hand toward the window one last time before hesitating and walking away.

  I watched through blurry eyes as he got into the SUV and Jean climbed in the driver's side to take him to the airport. My mother finally got into the car with me, looked at me with sad eyes and placed a hand on my back.

  "I'm sorry, honey. One thing is certain. He loves you, Brook."

  I nodded, my head was still buried in my arms as a sob finally broke from my chest. "Mom, can you drive? I can't see. I… I ca… can't even breathe."

  I FELT EMPTY. MY heart lay cold and lifeless in my chest, as I sat in the first class cabin waiting for the bloody plane to take off and transport me to the empty wasteland that would consist of the next few months. I usually loved the energy of New York City, and when Denise lined up the audition for this new movie a year ago, I was excited for the opportunity to work with this director. But now, neither held the same appeal. The engines roared to life and the plane finally lifted off the runway. The waiting was the worst. At least once I arrived in New York I'd be one step closer to getting back to Brook.

  It was a good script with several subplots that gave it quite a lot of depth, and the director was young enough that maybe he'd be open to interpretative discussion. If it weren't for my aching heart, I would have embraced this opportunity with relish.

  The walk through the airport had been worse than I'd ever experienced before. For the first time I resented the fans; I hated them as they yelled and asked for autographs and pictures. I felt intruded upon and utterly violated as they all tried to peer into my life and invade my personal space.

  The paparazzi ran after me like lunatics, asking me point blank if I was bloody shagging Brook. It made my head explode. Literally asking me if I'd fucked her. It was all I could do not to turn around and pound them. What was worse, I knew Brook would face similar situations during the next few weeks as we tried to navigate through life without each other. I felt furious that I couldn't protect her from all of that. I felt completely helpless.

  For Christ's sake! They were such ruthless bastards.

  The air rushed from my lungs as I pressed the heels of both hands against my eyes.

  Maybe it hadn't been such a good idea to stay together at the hotel in light of the fact everyone seemed to know about it. Social media was exploding in the span of an hour and a half since I'd left her crying in her car. My eyes burned behind my closed lids.

  My throat ached and my chest constricted as I remembered her tear stained face and finally her head buried in her arms, her body shaking with sobs around the steering wheel of her car. Diane had been so nice, hugging me goodbye and telling me that Brook would be okay. I'd turned my tortured gaze to her on my way into the SUV, and she brushed my hair back to try and comfort me. Nothing could bloody do that.

  Leaving never got any fucking easier, even knowing how much we loved each other. Not being with her for so long, and seeing how much she was hurting... I was going to lose it. I felt myself breakin
g.

  The book in my hands felt hot as I looked down upon it. The fabric covered journal, embossed with her name and the watermarked image of orchids in shades of gray on the black background had been my lifeline to Brook during those awful months when Wendy had pulled her tirade. It would be again now. This and the music that Brook had sent with me would have to be enough to keep her close.

  I closed my eyes as images of us making love all night to those songs ran rampant in my head.

  What a beautiful sentiment. The iTunes account made for the two of us so we would be able to send each other musical messages when we were unable to talk to each other. The time difference was going to kill so many opportunities. I’d be working for several hours before she'd even be out of bed and then sleeping or trying to, during Brook's evening hours. I smiled when I gave up that illusion. The hell I wouldn't be up late and on the phone or Skype as often as she would agree. I knew her production schedule included a lot of nights, so that would be another obstacle.

  I sat up in my seat as I realized that while Brook told me the email address for the music account, she neglected to give me the password. I'd need to text her when I landed in NYC.

  Denise was already in New York and would be there the first few days when we went through pre-production. She wanted to make sure that the PR people weren't doing anything shady and also to negotiate the schedule to see if she could get me at least two or three weekends off. She was a good friend and I was grateful that she was so adept at her job as my manager. If anyone could shove it up Pinnacle's ass, it was Denise. And she had the help of Jeanne and Joel. I smiled despite myself.

  The flight attendant brought me a beer and after I’d downed half of it, I opened the journal, longing for Brook's words. If I couldn't hear her voice, at least I could read her words.

  I set my beer on the tray table and flipped the cover open. As always, the scent of her perfume assailed my nostrils and made my heart beat faster. There was a letter in the front that hadn't been there before and I was curious as I unfolded it. Of course... it was from Brook. She must have slipped it inside last night. My hands were shaking, slightly, as I slowly unfolded it.