A Love Like This Read online

  “Oh, honey…” The breath rushed from my lungs as I parted the moist flesh and began a slow pulse against the swollen nub. I knew just how to touch her and I was anxious to see her fall apart. Her mouth hovered over mine until finally she bit down on my lower lip. Oh, God.

  “Uh… Uh…” she was panting, pulling at my shoulders and pressing her pelvis into my hand and lap.

  “Ryan, baby… Don’t wait.” Her knees curled around my hips. The want in her voice was my undoing. I pushed myself inside her, moaning as she sheathed me in her delicious heat.

  “I love you. Uh, babe. Christ, I missed you.”

  After that, words were lost; as together we drowned in our love. We were frantic. Our hands moved over each other’s bodies in the desperate need to get closer to each other, our mouths slanting over each other and tongues hungrily warring together. I felt my body tighten too soon and tried to slow down but she was insistent, her hips rocking into mine in a relentless rhythm. She knew she’d have me coming very soon.

  I pulled my mouth away and slid my hands on both sides of her face, my thumbs running along her jaw as I looked into her eyes. She was beautiful. Breathtaking. That luscious mouth was wet and open and her heavy breathing was like music… a savage beat, exquisite evidence of the effect I had on her. Her jade eyes languid; the lids dropped and her head fell back.

  “Julia. Slow down, baby. I’ll come. I don’t want to come yet. Stop. Stop!”

  “No. I want you to let go,” she whispered breathlessly. “Give it to me. I want it all.” Her head lifted and she bent toward me to take my mouth with hers and her body kept moving in relentless pursuit. I could feel every curve of my erection rubbing in and out, back and forth and the pressure brought me to the point where I didn’t want to stop it anymore. She felt so good and it had been too long.

  I pulled the lace of her bra aside and gently squeezed, rolling her nipple between my fingers as my tongue plunged into her mouth. Julia started sucking on it at the same moment her body clenched in cadence around my body. She was coming and I could feel every tremor of it. It sent me over the edge and I exploded inside her with a groan, my body quaking and jerking against hers as my arms tightened around her and I filled her.

  As our bodies came down we kept kissing, unwilling to lose the precious connection. Her fingers curled into the muscles on my shoulders and she moved her mouth along the side of my face in a series of soft caresses from my temple to my jaw. She pulled back slightly, still straddling my lap and I pulled her hips into mine tightly, still deeply imbedded inside her body.

  I struggled to get control of my breathing and rested my forehead against hers, running my hands up and down her back in a light touch. I finally unclasped the bra and slid it from her body. I wanted to keep touching her. To never stop. I buried my face in her neck, kissing the slight sheen of saltiness from her skin and running my tongue along her collarbone to end with an open mouth kiss on the sweet skin below her ear. “My God. I love you, Julia.”

  Her fingers fisted into my hair and she pulled back to look into my face. She smiled softly, devilishly. “I know.”

  I would never get used to the effect she had on me. My throat tightened and I brushed her hair off her face.

  “Thank you for getting this suite. I’m so lucky you’re mine.”

  The smile went away and she shrugged softly. “You’re all I want.”

  I swallowed and lifted the corner of my mouth. It was my turn to smile in the wonder of it. “Sweetheart, your pill cycle is up at the end of the week, isn’t it?”

  She nuzzled into the side of my face with her nose. “Yes. Don’t worry. No period this weekend.”

  I chuckled softly. “That’s good. I mean… wouldn’t stop me. I miss you too much.”

  “Me, too.”

  “Julia. Look at me.” I pulled her hand to my mouth and kissed the inside of her wrist as her eyes met mine. I could see the love behind the green depths and it never ceased to amaze me. “I think it’s time, don’t you?”

  She didn’t ask for me to elaborate. She knew. “Are you sure? You’re working so much and I’m not sure if I want to go through that without you around.”

  “You always could read my mind.”

  “No.” She shook her head with a smile. “I can read your heart.”

  Julia’s eyes softened with tears and I kissed her cheekbones and then her eyelids, moving in a series of butterfly touches toward her mouth. I kissed her softly, tasting and ghosting my mouth over hers in a tender caress, tasting her like the finest wine.

  “Mmm…yes. I’m sure. I’ll have residency for another three years. I don’t want to wait that long. Let’s make our baby.”

  I rolled to my side and slid out of her, rising up on my elbow and letting my fingers splay out over her flat stomach. My eyes burned into hers and watched every emotion that crossed her face. She got a little crinkle between her eyebrows and her chin trembled slightly.

  “But I don’t want to lose this. I love this time with you.” Two fat tears tumbled from her eyes. I bent to kiss them away. “It’s never enough.”

  “Nothing will change between us.”

  “Uh huh! I’ll get fat and ugly. Like a whale and you won’t want me.” Her face crumpled slightly as she tried not to cry.

  Happiness burst up inside my chest and I chuckled softly. “No, you won’t! You’ll be carrying my baby. You’ll be the most beautiful thing in the world to me. Don’t you know that? You’ll always be beautiful to me, and seeing you swell with the tangible evidence of our love,” I had to stop as the words lodged in my throat. “There’s nothing I want more.” We looked at each other in awed silence for a few seconds and my chest tightened at the emotions flashing across her features. When she closed her eyes and more tears fell, I finally found my voice. “But if you don’t want to have a baby now…” I began and my heart fell slightly.

  She reached up and laid her fingers against my mouth. “No, I do. I do, Ryan. I want a little boy with big blue eyes and golden hair, who looks just like you.”

  I took her wrist in my hand and kissed the fingers against my mouth. “Are you sure? I don’t want to rush you.”

  “As long as you promise things won’t change.”

  “I promise. You make me so happy, Julia.”

  “Let’s keep it a secret. That we’re trying, okay?” Her voice quivered around the words and my heart swelled inside my chest. I was the luckiest bastard on the planet and I knew it. She was everything I could ever want and so much more.

  I nodded as my vision blurred. “Yeah. This is the most intimate thing in the world and I don’t want to share it with anyone but you. You’re so perfect… you’ll make a perfect baby. So beautiful.”

  “Because his daddy is so gorgeous.”

  I leaned back and reached out to turn off the light before pulling Julia gently onto my chest. She settled in with a sigh as we wrapped our arms and legs around each other. I sucked in a deep breath and stroked my fingers through her silky hair, spreading it out on her bare alabaster back.

  “I love you,” I said into the pitch darkness and felt her turn and place an open mouth kiss on my chest, then another. “We should use condoms for at least a month after you’re off of the pill, babe.”

  “Yes, Dr. Matthews,” she said, her voice laced with amusement.

  “Well? I want that shit out of your body. He’s been waiting all these months. The least we can do is make sure he’s healthy when he finally gets here.”

  She laughed softly. I couldn’t see her face, but she turned toward me and snuggled closer, resting her forehead into the curve of my neck. The warmth of her breaths rushed over my skin and I turned to kiss her forehead.

  “Yes. But… we’ve never used condoms. How will you manage?” she teased.

  “I’ll manage.”

  “We could always abstain. Not have sex for the five weeks,” she teased.

  I smiled. “Like hell,” I retorted with a huff, my fingers still tracing deli
cately over the skin of the arm she held across my body. “What should we name him?”

  “We have months and months to figure that out. Something perfect, though.” I yawned, exhaustion finally getting the better of me. Julia heard it. “Now hush and sleep.”

  Her breathing evened out and I closed my eyes.

  ~2~

  The reception was huge. Easily three times that of our wedding, Jenna must have invited all of Boston proper. She was beautiful in a huge tulle-skirted ball gown and Julia had loaned her Mom’s diamond pins to wear in her hair, saying it was only fair that both of the Matthews brides share in the tradition. Jenna was very moved at the gesture and it fulfilled another tradition of something borrowed. She looked like a fairy princess, and completely luminous. Aaron was beaming and holding on to her for dear life. I smiled. It’s about Goddamn time.

  The party was winding down and my eyes searched for my own gorgeous wife. Julia, Ellie, and Jenna’s sister were all in black, but like our wedding, the bridesmaid dresses were completely different styles. I noticed them briefly, but didn’t register the differences all that much. All I knew was that Julia left me gasping in the black silk creation that skimmed her body and dipped low in back leaving her creamy skin completely bare to just below her waist. A smattering of sequins outlined the edging and followed around over the shoulders and to the neckline, leaving just a hint of the top swells of her breasts visible. It left little to the imagination the way it hugged her body. At least… my imagination, since I knew firsthand what lay underneath. It was sexy as hell and really a far cry from a traditional bridesmaid dress. Her hair was up loosely with tendrils falling free in front and one or two down the back. It gave her a soft, subtly ruffled look that screamed she’d just been made love to. I couldn’t help the quirk of my lips.

  I was sitting at the table we’d been assigned, next to the dance floor and talking casually to Tanner and a couple of my other Harvard friends. Aaron and Jenna were socializing with some of her family and Harris was at the bar getting drinks. I hadn’t seen Julia or Ellie for a good half hour and my eyes were starting to search.

  Tanner was talking about one of the cases he wanted me to consult on and I tried to keep my focus, but the alcohol and my preoccupation with my missing wife wasn’t helping.

  “I’ve run all types of pulmonary tests and pulled in specialists and none of us can seem to agree,” Tanner said. “One says COPD, another says it’s a heart issue. I can’t find anything wrong with his lungs and his oxygen levels are normal.”

  “Have you done a coronary angiogram? Maybe it’s a valve problem. If the lungs are clear and the patient still can’t get enough oxygen, it seems logical that something is wrong with the heart. Maybe he isn’t getting enough blood to or from his lungs. It may be congestive heart failure.” I mumbled off the diagnosis’ most obvious to me. “Might need a defibulator.”

  We continued our conversation and Harris came to join us, but as he was last night, he was preoccupied and distant. I noticed that he was drinking much more than he normally did.

  “Hey, man.” I looked up at him and followed his movements with my eyes as he sat down near me.

  “Hi. Julia looks incredible tonight.”

  A grin broke out on my face. “Yes. Beautiful. Ellie is too. She did a beautiful job on the dresses.”

  Harris huffed. “This wedding has been all she’s cared about for months. Honestly, I’m glad it’s over. Now maybe we can get back to normal.”

  I turned my chair toward him so I could speak directly to him and not let the others at the table be privy to the conversation. “What’s going on? Do you want to talk about it?”

  He shrugged and shot me a glance before returning his attention to his almost empty glass. “It’s just different. She’s changed. We’re both busy and she seems checked out. I come home from being on the road and there is a huge wall between us. I can’t seem to knock it down and frankly, I’m sick of trying. She works like a dog on everyone else’s wedding but won’t marry me, and I’m not sure I even want to anymore.”

  “I sensed something was wrong between you two. I asked Julia about it, but all she said was that you were going through something tough, but you’d be able to work it out. I got the feeling Ellie didn’t want her to share their conversations with me. Harris… I’m very sorry, man. I can’t imagine going through anything like that with Julia. Is there anything I can do?”

  His lips twitched in response, he closed his eyes and shook his head. “I’m not sure if even I can do anything about it.”

  “Maybe you two should get away together. It’s hard to imagine that you’d be so at odds. Ellie has always been so crazy over you.” I paused and he just seemed mesmerized by his drink. “How long has this been going on?”

  “Four or five months; since before your wedding. Seeing you and Julia,” Harris stopped and sighed, “has made me really face the abyss between Ellie and me. The two of you together… it’s… well, it sort of puts my situation in perspective.”

  I was uncomfortable at his words and I looked down at my hands, clasped between my knees. My elbows were resting on my legs as I leaned over them. I hardly found the words. “Harris, you can’t measure what you and Ellie have against my relationship with Julia. No two couples are the same. We’re not perfect. We have our struggles, too.”

  “Yeah? Like what? I can see the love between you. Shit, I can feel it if I’m within fifty yards of either one of you. She’s always touching you and the way you two look at each other. I envy you,” he said, his voice deep.

  I could hear the pain in his voice and I felt bad for him as I expelled my breath. “Well, our schedules are hellacious. We don’t see each other much. Sometimes it’s literally days apart.”

  “Yeah, but does Jules think you’re fucking around? Ellie is distant and I can see it in her eyes that she doesn’t trust me. Shit, she says she doesn’t! Always accusing me of cheating on the road.”

  I sucked in a deep breath and filled my lungs up to capacity and blew it out before answering him, carefully considering my words.

  “Julia trusts me. I trust her. It’s not about that. She’s very supportive of my residency, but there are times when she resents all the time I’m away from her. She didn’t get married to be alone and I hate it as much, or maybe more, than she does.”

  “But you love what you do and the bottom line is, she backs you. She knew she was marrying a doctor. She’d never ask you to give it up, right?”

  “No.” I said without hesitation. If anything, it was me that wished I’d picked a less demanding profession, no matter how rewarding it was. “She’d never do that. Has Ellie… asked you to quit the band?”

  “Not in so many words. But she’s stopped coming to gigs and practices and then she bitches when we don’t see each other. She yells at me about the fans, but that’s all part of it. If we make it big, it will get even worse. I’m not sure she can handle it and I’m not sure if I want to argue all the fucking time. I’m tired of defending myself for shit that isn’t even happening.”

  “Damn. I didn’t realize it was that bad. I can’t imagine how I’d feel if my wife doubted me. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone.”

  “That’s just it. She married you when she didn’t even remember everything about your relationship. That’s how much she trusts you, Ryan. You’re luckier than you know. Ellie doesn’t even believe me when I say I’m not screwing the groupies and we hardly ever have sex. It’s killing me.”

  Oh, I knew how rare the love Julia and I shared was, which made it difficult to sit here and try to convince Harris that his relationship with Ellie would be okay. I couldn’t, because honestly, I wasn’t sure.

  “No, I know how lucky I am but I almost fucked it up good. Julia threatened to leave me to get me to trust how much she loved me, Harris. Maybe Ellie needs a wake-up call like that. I hate to suggest it because I love Ellie and I don’t know her side, and I don’t want to speak out of turn, but it’s an idea. After it happe
ned with us, I became even more aware that when I wake up with Julia close to me, I’m holding the world in my arms.”

  He huffed in exasperation. “Even when you speak about her… it’s like poetry. As devastated as I am with this crap between me and Ellie, with you guys it would be worse. I hope nothing ever comes between you because it would literally knock you on your ass.”

  I nodded. “No shit,” I said quietly. “I know. I’ve lived through almost losing her once and I don’t think I could take it again.” I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder. “It will work out if you love each other enough.”

  “Maybe.”

  “It will. Ellie totally lights up when you’re around, so focus on that.” I said the words, but I had to qualify it in my mind. During the last couple of times we’d seen them, the strain between them was clear.

  I sat back in my chair. The DJ had been playing some faster music, but was finally starting a slower set. It was getting late, almost eleven o’clock, and the talk with Harris made me want to get my hands on Julia. My eyes continued to scan the room.

  My parents and Julia’s were on the dance floor along with Aaron and Jen. I cringed when I noticed the familiar figure of Liza across the room talking to Min and a man I didn’t recognize.

  What the fuck was she doing here? Jenna detested the woman and I couldn’t see Aaron adding her to the guest list. She must be here as a guest of someone who was invited. I prayed she wouldn’t try to talk to me and I’d been lucky so far.

  “Do you want another drink, Harris? I’m going to see if can find Julia. I can get you one on my way back.”

  “No, that’s okay, Ryan. Go enjoy yourself. I need to find Ellie, too. I want to leave if possible. I have an early flight and this situation really wipes me out. I want to go to bed.”

  “If I see her, I’ll send her to find you.” I held out my hand to him to shake it goodbye. “It’ll work out, man. I wish you the best, you know that.”

  “Thank you. It was good to see you and it’s always a pleasure to see Jules. She’s terrific.”