Embracing Today, a firefighter romance: (The Trading Yesterday Series, #3) Read online

  Ben was dressed in the firehouse uniform of blue pants and T-shirt with the St. Florian Cross on the upper left chest in gold, red and white. His sandy blond hair flopped onto his forehead boyishly and he unconsciously pushed it out of the way with one of his gloved hands. I couldn’t help but smile as the action deposited a long strand of the alfalfa into his hair.

  “I’m doing a little better.” I walked over and patted Siri’s nose as she waited for her turn to get fed. She nuzzled my palm and snorted. “Hey, girl.” I scratched her forehead and behind her ears.

  Ben rested the pitchfork against one of the stalls so that he could bend down and pick up the rambunctious puppy clamoring for his attention. “Little bit! I missed you!” His laughter rang out at the enthusiastic greeting.

  My smile widened at his interaction with Gem. She didn’t much care for Carter, but she seemed to adore Ben. My uncle always said that animals, especially dogs, could tell a person’s character immediately, and this was obvious proof.

  Ben’s laughter continued to echo through the barn as Gem licked at his stubbled chin. Seeing the two of them together, and how gentle he was with her warmed my heart. The two of them playing made me feel a little bit better about the favor I was about to ask.

  “Do you have plans for supper? I made homemade chili and cornbread. I know it’s not gourmet, but—”

  Ben’s eyes met mine and he nodded slowly. “That sounds great. Thank you, though you don’t have to put yourself out.”

  “I’m not. I figure if I can’t help out here, the least I can do is feed you.” I continued to pat my favorite horse, setting my forehead against hers. I felt slightly embarrassed that I felt such an easy attraction with the handsome fireman who had volunteered to help me, and I didn’t want him to see the blush of heat I knew was gracing my cheeks.

  “Well, it sounds good. I love homemade cornbread and I haven’t had any for at least a year.”

  Ben gently set Gem on the concrete aisle between the stalls that led to the big equine exercise arena at one end of the building and resumed distributing feed to the rest of the animals. I found myself watching him through hooded eyes, mesmerized at his strength and how his lean, but muscled, body moved. It left me feeling a little flustered.

  I had to keep reminding myself that Carter had barely been gone seventy-two hours, and I shouldn’t even be interested in another man. But then, Carter was a mean bastard and Ben was kind and gentle, even though he had the goods to crush most other men. My hormones were in overdrive even though my mind resisted my body’s reaction. Carter’s treatment of me dictated that I guard my heart and my physical well-being. It could be a long while before I could let another man get close to me, though I hoped that Ben would want to be my friend.

  I moved away from Siri when she was happily munching away on her dinner and walked to the feed stall where Ben was getting another pitchfork full for the black stallion.

  “I wish I could help,” I murmured, leaning on the side of the doorway. The pain in my ribcage was still screaming, but I did my best to ignore it.

  “You don’t need to help,” Ben brushed me off. “You just need to heal.”

  “Well, I feel stupid and indebted to you. I don’t like being helpless.”

  He huffed as he emptied the laden pitchfork into another of the horse’s stalls. He looked like he’d been born for this kind of work, though I imagined fighting fires and saving lives was more rewarding.

  “Pfft,” he said, with a small grin. “Everyone is helpless sometimes, and you certainly have good reason. You need to take care of yourself right now. You’ve been through a lot.” I could sense an unspoken question as his eyes raked over my face. He had such gentle eyes that I found myself drowning in their blue depths.

  I decided to watch in silence, gathering my composure until he was almost finished, when I would have him come inside the house to eat. “I’ll go inside and set the table. Just come on in when you’re ready.”

  “Are you sure?” He wiped perspiration from his brow with his shoulder. “I’ll be really sweaty when I’m done. I probably smell worse than these horses.”

  “That’s okay. I’m used to smelly men—” I stopped myself in horror. I could literally feel my eyes widen. “Um, I mean,” my eyes slammed shut and I shook my head abruptly. “Uncle Leonard always used to work with the horses, and the guys always smelled of grease from the shop.”

  Ben laughed lightly, walking away to get more feed. “I knew what you meant.”

  “And anyway, if you want to clean up…” It wasn’t proper to offer to let him shower since we barely knew each other, so I stopped myself again. “Wash up… there is a sink in the mudroom off the back door. I’ll lay out soap and a clean towel.”

  “Sure, thanks.”

  Ben had finished with the hay and was now dumping scoops of oats into each of the feed bins. “I’ll just be a few minutes more.”

  I made a move toward the house and looked over my shoulder. “Come on, Gem. Time to eat!” I paused to watch her cock her head and look at me before sitting her little butt down on the concrete floor near the feed stall. “Come on,” I said again and patted my thigh. “Gem, come.”

  She looked at me and whined a little before laying down and putting her head on her front paws.

  “Apparently, my dog is a traitor,” I said wryly.

  “She just wants to be where the action is, I guess.” Ben’s lips slid into a genuine smile. “I’ll bring her in with me when I’m finished.”

  I nodded and went into the house smiling to myself. It felt good that my puppy trusted Ben and so I felt a little easier in allowing myself to follow my instinct and do so myself. I’d just finishing laying out the fresh towel I’d promised on the sink in the mud room and set the table before lifting the lid on the crock pot to stir the simmering chili when there was a light tap on the screen door.

  “Come in, Ben,” I called. “The towel and soap are right there. Do you see them?”

  “Yep, I got it! Thanks!”

  Gem came scurrying around the corner as I took the shredded cheddar cheese and sour cream from the refrigerator and placed them on the table. “So now you expect to eat, do you?” I asked accusingly. She was so sweet, wagging her tail eagerly. I wanted to pick her up for a quick snuggle.

  The dog food was kept in the laundry room in a big Rubbermaid tub. I took out a cereal bowl from the cupboard and went to put a small scoop of the kibble inside. The water turned off in the other room signaling Ben was finished washing up, as I put a little dab of chili on top of Gem’s food and proceeded to blow on it to cool it off.

  I used my finger to mix the chili in with Gem’s food and took note it was cool enough for the puppy to enjoy. I set it on the kitchen floor and Gem came over and started eating.

  “Looks like she’s spoiled.” Ben walked into the room still drying his hands, then laid the towel over the back of one of the chairs.

  My left shoulder lifted in a shrug as I rinsed the chili off of my fingers. “Well, I guess it’s in my nature to spoil those I care about. Besides, a little people food won’t hurt her, and she’ll have a much happier life.” I turned from the sink and indicated the man standing opposite me should take a seat. “Besides, how boring would it be to eat the same thing over and over, day in and day out?”

  “The horses don’t seem to mind,” he said with amusement, pulling out the chair with the draped towel and taking his seat.

  “Do you think they don’t get the occasional apple, carrot or sugar cube?”

  “Ahhh. I should have known.” Ben chuckled, shaking his head.

  “How about a beer this time?” I asked retrieving two from the refrigerator and setting them on the table before he had time to answer.

  “Sure.” Ben picked up first one, then the other, and twisted the caps off placing one by my place at the table and took a long swig from the other.

  Soon, I had two large pieces of steaming cornbread on a small plate and a bowl of chili sitting
in front of him, then went to dish up smaller portions for myself. I took my seat across from him.

  “This looks delicious.” His words caused a flush of pleasure and I couldn’t hold back my smile.

  “Dig in,” I encouraged. “I wasn’t sure if you liked your chili with all of the fixings or not, so help yourself.”

  “Don’t mind if I do.” He was smiling from ear to ear as he loaded up his soup with cheese, sour cream, green onions and a big squirt of sriracha. There was butter and honey for the cornbread. “It smells amazing. Thank you for inviting me, Marin.”

  “It’s my pleasure. The least I can do for all you’re doing for me. I want you to know I’ll try to get back to it as soon as I can.”

  We both began to eat after I’d added a bit of cheese and sour cream to my bowl as well. The enjoyment on his face as he took his first few bites filled me with satisfaction.

  “There is no rush. Truly.” His stunning blue eyes studied my face. I could almost see the wheels turning in his mind. He knew the black eye was an old bruise and wasn’t from the fire. It was all I could do not to reach up and touch it. “Give yourself time to heal. Are you planning on rebuilding the shop?”

  “I probably will, but first I have to find out if I have anyone who would want to work for me. Most of the mechanics left after my uncle passed. They are most likely already employed elsewhere.”

  Ben’s brow dropped in a frown. “That has to be tough, but Jackson is a small town and people are loyal, from what I’ve seen so far.”

  “Maybe. What do you mean, so far?”

  “I haven’t been here even a year yet. I moved from Billings some months back.”

  “Oh, I thought you were from Tallahassee?”

  “Sure, but I moved to Billings for a while, then my best friend, Davis, moved here, and I had no family in Montana, so the rest is history.”

  Maybe he was in as much need of friends as I was, except he was new to town and I was just a loner.

  “Do you like it here in Jackson?”

  “I love it. The cost of living is a bit pricey, but the country is beautiful, and I like smaller towns. People are less imposing and it’s easier to make friends. I mean, I hope you and I can be friends, if it’s not too painful for you, considering how we met.” He paused eating and contemplated his words. I could see the conflict on his features. “I’m sorry—”

  “No, it’s okay. I’d like to be friends.” I nodded, trying to blink away the tears suddenly filling my eyes at his compassion.

  “I know this is a bad time for you and I just hope I can help out in some way.”

  He was showing a level of compassion that I didn’t receive from a man who professed to love me…. At least, after he didn’t have to pretend anymore.

  “Thank you, Ben. It means a lot to me. You already are my friend. I’m feeling a bit guilty because I’m grateful for you and Gina; two people I would have never met if Carter hadn’t died. Am I an awful person?” My voice cracked a little as two tears finally tumbled from my eyes and I wiped at them quickly.

  “Good God, no,” he answered emphatically. “You didn’t choose this to happen. Marin. There is nothing you could have done, and it’s for best to find something positive to hold on to.”

  Ben seemed to know what he was talking about; as if he’d suffered a loss in his past. He reached a hand across the table and held it there waiting for my response. I placed my smaller one into it without thinking and his fingers closed around mine. I could feel the callouses of a hard-working man, but his heart was so soft that it made me cry even harder.

  Ben’s fingers squeezed mine. “I’m so very sorry. I don’t know, because I’ve never lost anyone close to me, but I’ve seen some horrific things in my line of work. It has to be awful to lose the man you loved like that. I’m an idiot for bringing it up.”

  I couldn’t even remember if Ben was the one to begin talking about the fire or if it were me, but I knew for sure that no love was lost on Carter. Ben’s expression looked pained, and I could see how sincerely he empathized. After all, he was the one to pull Carter’s charred body out of the rubble of the shop.

  I guiltily pulled my hand back, picked up the paper napkin on my lap and dabbed at my eyes and nose. I longed to tell him the entire story about Carter, but now wasn’t the right time.

  “No, it’s okay, but speaking of Carter, I have to fly to Minneapolis for the funeral tomorrow morning. I’ll be gone for two days.” I could hear the tremble in my own voice. “I hate to ask, but can you watch Gem for me?”

  He didn’t hesitate. “Of course, I’d love to! I’ll take her with me to the station when I’m on shift and if we have a call, I’m sure Shannon or Dave would be happy to take care of her. Shannon is our administrative assistant and Dave’s the fleet mechanic, so even if I’m away on a call she wouldn’t be alone.”

  “Okay.” I wasn’t sure if I’d be ready to face the Stanton family if I was worried about my puppy. “I really appreciate it, Ben. Gina works long shifts so I couldn’t ask her. I barely know either one of you, so I feel like crap asking, but since Gem is so taken with you…”

  Ben stopped me. “I’m glad to do it. But…. can I ask, what part of the city you’re staying in? I’ve heard there is a pretty high crime rate there. Will you be staying with Carter’s family?”

  It was an uncomfortable conversation. How would it look to a man like Ben Brady that I’d never met my boyfriend’s family, and only spoken to his mother for about a minute on the phone?

  “Um, Gina made reservations for me at a hotel near the mortuary. I’m not sure the name of the suburb. I’ve never actually met any of his family.”

  “What?” He looked uneasy. “I know it’s not my place, but I don’t feel good about you going to a strange city alone, especially since you’re not staying with them.”

  His concern was sweet, but I absolutely had to go to the funeral, and I had no one to make the trip with me.

  “I have no choice. I have to go. I want to.” I hoped I sounded convincing.

  “Okay, but will you at least text me to let me know where you are?”

  I shook my head. “You’re already doing so much. You don’t need to worry about me.”

  “But I will, anyway. As your friend.”

  I blinked, surprised how that word, friend, hurt. “Okay, I’ll text.”

  My answer seemed to satisfy him. “Good. What time is your flight? Do you have a ride to the airport?”

  The Jackson airport was located in Grand Teton National Park and was a good thirty-five, or forty-minute drive from the ranch. “It’s very early. Just after 6 AM. I have a long layover in Denver, so the total travel time is about eight hours. I was just going to drive Uncle Leonard’s truck and park it at the long-term parking.”

  “Is there anyone who could go with you?” My heart beat a little faster at the concern that laced his tone. His spoon was hovering over his bowl, and he set it down.

  “No. I was always a home-body, and most of my high school friends went off to college and didn’t come back. The lure of city life, you know. I wouldn’t feel right about asking any of Uncle Leonard’s friends.”

  “I guess,” he agreed. “Though, I’ve tasted the big city and I prefer the slower pace and closer-knit community here. Didn’t you want to go to college?”

  “I did. I attended Denver University. I have a degree in Business Administration. I’d always planned to come back and help Uncle Leonard run the business and the ranch. He has boarded horses since I came to live here, and I’ve done the books and payroll since I was sixteen. It almost feels like college was a waste of money and time. Lately, anyway.”

  “Wow. That’s impressive.” He smiled again, and it eased the awkward tension of talking over the turn of the conversation. “I bet your uncle was really proud of you.”

  I nodded, as a melancholy emotion flooded through me. “He was my best friend. I never imagined I’d lose him this soon. After he died, I’ve been planning on getting
some sort of job because the shop wasn’t doing as well in the past months.”

  “Is that what you want to do? Have a new start with something different?”

  I hadn’t really thought about it, I’d been so overwhelmed. The insurance from my uncle’s life insurance was still sitting in the bank, and I’d have property insurance on the shop which should let me rebuild.

  “Not really. I kind of want to get the shop up and running again, because it’s Uncle Leonard’s legacy, but I can do something in addition after it’s up and going. I can’t work on cars, and the books only take me one day a week. I just wanted to get out of the house and do something. I applied at the diner and a few other places, but after Carter’s death, I’m not sure.”

  “It sounds like you’ve always wanted to continue your uncle’s legacy. Why change it?”

  “I don’t know, I guess…. It just seems so overwhelming. So much has changed in such a short time.”

  “I understand. You’ll have your hands full with everything involved in rebuilding it and hiring everyone. Plus, it might give you the time you need to feel better. There is plenty of time to work your life away, later. Trust me. And, you’ll have help, if you need.” His white teeth flashed in a brilliant smile. My heart flip-flopped inside of my chest. He was so down-to-earth and genuine.

  Something about this man put me at ease. He settled me. His words and presence seemed to make it seem possible to rebuild the business and resume the life I’d had. I sucked in a deep breath, filling my lungs to capacity, then nodded. “You’re right. Thanks for giving me some perspective.”

  Ben winked. “What are friends for?” He picked up the honey jar and squeezed a large amount of the thick amber liquid onto his buttered cornbread, lifted it and took a huge, exaggerated bite. His eyes got wide in a blissful expression. “Oh my God!” he said with his mouth full. “Are you kidding me with this?”

  I couldn’t help but smile. “The secret is to use all whole cream, not just milk.” I was teeming with pleasure at his response. “It’s terribly fattening,” I admitted.